You Can Help Prevent Violence!
THE VERY BEST THING YOU CAN DO IS *BELIEVE HER*, then:
HELP HER JOIN & CONTINUE ATTENDING A WEEKLY SUPPORT GROUP FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE VICTIMS specifically led by licensed Domestic Violence Counselors & Advocates (not a Bible Study, not a 12-step group):
FIND A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SUPPORT GROUP NEAR YOU:
Encourage Her To Consider Taking Part In This 10-Week "When Love Hurts" Group for women: Lynne Nelson, Journey Counseling, Bellingham, Washington, 360-305-7899
Resources To Equip You So You Can Help Her:
- Why Does He Do That? by Lundy
(available at some public libraries)
- Video, When Love Hurts (available to view free online): http://www.dod.org/products/DOD2052.aspx
- Christianity Today Magazine Article: www.christianitytoday.com/tcw/2004/sepoct/11.68.html
The above article refers to Don Stewart, author of Refuge ... A Pathway Out Of Domestic Violence And Abuse, (available at some public libraries)
Violence Among us: Ministry to Families in Crisis,
Paula Sylvia & Brenda Branson
No Place For Abuse by Catherine Clark-Kroeger:
- How To Help Your Friend Who Is Being Abused: http://www.womenshealth.gov/violence/prevent/how.cfm
- The Domestic Violence Victim In Court: http://www.faithtrustinstitute.org/blog/marie-fortune/53
- Faith Trust Institute: http://www.faithtrustinstitute.org/blog/domestic-violence
Protection and Healing: Understanding a Batterer's Impact on the Mother-Child Relationship, Lundy Bancroft (author of "When Dad Hurts Mom" & "Why Does He Do That?"
Is Family Violence Really A Problem
In My Community?
Did You Know...
A boy who grows up witnessing his father abusing his mother is 1000% (one thousand percent) more likely to repeat that pattern when he grows up
#1 cause of birth defects is violence against women during pregnancy
Every day 4 women in the U.S. die as a result of intimate partner violence
50-75% of men who batter their wives also abuse their children
One woman every 15 seconds is battered by her intimate partner in America
Stop The Violence Before It Clones Itself Into The Next Generation
You Can Become More Informed:
TAKING A STAND IN OUR COMMUNITY MEANS HOLDING MEN ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR VIOLENCE
Those raised in violent homes may have grown up to repeat the cycle, but they can decide to change - with the right help: http://lundybancroft.com/art_monitor_progs.html
These men are never the "type"; they may be:
*well-loved, charming community members
*extremely different in public than in private
*trying to convince you the wife is crazy & making up the violence
*armed with the mastery to manipulate any conversation
*able to twist conversations with the most discerning individiduals
*skilled @ enlisting you - an unknowing participant in empowering him
*fooling you to think that he is not violent, but that he is the victim
*he will trick you to get info about his wife & children to use against
them while pretending that he cares ... putting them in more danger
*he is more covertly dangerous after separation; he is then 75% more
likely to murder his wife after separation. It happens every day.
*he will manipulate all conversations - keeping focus OFF him
because 95% of family violence is male against female
*he is very good at Image Control & Public Persona - you'd never
suspect him to be violent in his home
*GAINING SKILLS - IF VIOLENCE HAPPENS TO SOMEONE YOU KNOW:
We offer training events in our community. If you're willing to help raise funds for this crucial training, please log onto our donate page: http://dreambigger.bbnow.org/donate.php
Educating our community will save lives
Frequently Asked Questions:
1. How do I assess our community's Batterer's Intervention Program? http://lundybancroft.com/art_monitor_progs.html
2. How can men hold violent men accountable and protect women & children? http://toolkit.endabuse.org/GetToWork/WhatMenAndBoys/TakingAction.html
3. Can violent men change their behaviors?
The Duluth Model: http://www.theduluthmodel.org/change.mp
4. Is violence against women & children really preventable?
Mentors in violence prevention: www.sportinsociety.org/mvp/index.php
5. My teenage daughter is involved in an abusive dating relationship:
Many informational resources in both English & Spanish: http://www.breakthecycle.org/resources-free-material.html
6. My relationship is painful, does anyone really understand?
When Love Hurts: http://www.WhenLoveHurts.ca
A VIOLENT MAN & HIS TACTICS:
His goal is to convince you that his partner is crazy, that she is making up these stories of violence. He'll try to convince you instead that HE is the victim. The truth is, in 95% of domestic violence, the perpetrator is male.
BREAK THE STEREO-TYPES:
We all have a neighbor, friend, relative or co-worker affected by family violence. The more informed you are, the better equipped you will be to help a woman & her children to cope with this terrible situation.
BE CAREFUL TALKING TO HIM:
These men are never the "type"; they are well-loved, charming community members armed with the mastery to manipulate the most discerning individual. Without proper training, most people unknowingly empower these violent men who are so "believable", which puts the woman & children in even more danger than they were before. He will use you to "gather information" about her, by pretending to care. His manipulative ways are very engrained.
Violent men are never the "type"
they are well-loved, charming community members
armed with the mastery to manipulate even
the most discerning individuals
Anything you say to these violent men may be twisted & used to hurt the women & children. Remember, he can be deceptive, manipulative & skilled at Image-Control! He may pretend to care about her, using that conversation-starter to gain information about her or to convince you that he could not possibly be guilty of violence.
Family violence is about Power & Control, so he may threaten her to change her story or he "will hurt or take away the children", "cut off the finances", "physically hurt her", and the threats go on & on. One incident in & of itself may seem less severe to the average individual, but violent men terrorize their families day in & day out in the privacy of their own homes with multiple on-going daily control tactics. It's never "just a bad day" or "just one incident". Imagine being kidnapped & terrorized by somebody twice your social & financial power, someone who could harm or destroy everything that means the most to you. Suppose that person arranged a high-tech identity theft. The list goes on.
He may continue to build a Theatrical Production for the benefit of his Public Image to match his lies. His goal is to convince you that his partner is crazy, that she is making up these stories of violence. He'll try to get information from you about her in a very sly way, pretending that he cares, is innocent or repentant & he may try to convince you that he is actually the victim. The truth is, in 95% of domestic violence, the perpetrator is male.
Without proper training, most people unknowingly empower these violent men who are so "believable", putting the woman & children in even more danger, even risking their very lives! Don't under-estimate what these men are capable of, especially behind closed doors!
Become More Informed ...
- Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft, www.WhyDoesHeDoThat.com
- Violence Among Us: Ministry to Families in Crisis by Brenda Branson, Paula J. Silva
- Violence Against Women and Children: A Christian Theological Sourcebook, Adams, Carol J., Marie Fortune, Mary Fortune, Eds. . New York: Continuum Books, 1996
- How Children Raise Parents: The Art of Listening to Your Family, Allender, Dan B.
- Colorado Springs, CO: Waterbrook Press, 2003.
- Battered into Submission: The Tragedy of Wife Abuse in the Christian Home Alsdurf, James and Phyllis Alsdurf, Downers Grove, IL: InterVaristy Press, 1989
- The Batterer, Dutton, Donald.New York: Basic Books, 1995
- The Abusive personality, Donald Dutton, The Guilford Press, 2002
- No Place for Abuse: Biblical &Practical Resources to Counteract Domestic Violence, Kroeger, Catherine Clark & Nancy Nason-Clark. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity
- God’s Reconciling Love: A Pastor’s Handbook on Domestic Violence, Nancy Murphy, Seattle, WA. FaithTrust Institute, 2003
COUNSELORS FOR VIOLENT MEN:
- Northwest Family Life Learning & Counseling Center www.northwestfamilylife.org
1015 NE 113th St. Seattle, WA 98125 (206) 363-9601
2400 North 45th Street #10
Seattle, Washington 98103
Northwest Family Life
1015 NE 113th Street
Seattle, Washington 98125
Email: [email protected]
"I hate divorce," says the Lord God of Israel, "and I hate a man covering his wife with violence..."(Malachi 2:16)
God makes it clear how He feels! Sadly, multiple church leaders all over the world empower husbands Sinful & Criminal Violence with no accountability. God wants to stop evil church leaders around the world. Women ...need to know they're not alone. Myself & many women find Truth @ www.FocusMinistries1.org & www.FaithTrustInstitute.org. Community members need to band together & stop thinking "oh, this man is too wonderful in public to be evil in private", or "I'll just go on my way - somebody else will help". God Needs Brave Groups Of People To Rescue These Wives & Children From Evil. Every 45 Seconds A Woman Is Assaulted In Her Own Home In Your Community. Most Of Those Women Have Children Present. These Boys Grow Up To Do The Same ... Change Has To Start With Us.
"Many leave their marriages not because they hate their spouse, but because they hate humility—having to put another’s needs above their own. Today, let's allow God to use our marriages to crucify our pride" - www.GaryThomas.com
Becoming more informed could save lives & families in our own neighborhoods
Our women & children need hope for their futures & a chance to Dream Bigger